


White Flag

by notjustmom



Series: Season 4 Song Fics [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, pre-tfp, the HUG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:46:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9584171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notjustmom/pseuds/notjustmom
Summary: "...I promise I'm not trying to make your life harderOr return to where we wereI will go down with this shipAnd I won't put my hands up and surrenderThere will be no white flag above my doorI'm in love and always will beI know I left too much mess andDestruction to come back againAnd I caused nothing but troubleI understand if you can't talk to me again..."-"White Flag," Dido





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Strawberryhiddleslock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strawberryhiddleslock/gifts).



John covered his face as he finally wept, not only the tears he hadn't shed for Mary yet, but for Sherlock and even some for himself. This wasn't something he had ever done knowingly in front of his friend. He didn't do this. Sometimes, he wondered if he felt less than the man who considered himself a sociopath.

"It's okay," Sherlock murmured as one of his hands gently rested in John's hair, the other trembled slightly for a moment, before stilling on his back. He allowed John to lean into him, to share his grief that had been bottled up for too long now.

"It's not okay," he whimpered, as he sniffled into Sherlock's chest, finally allowing himself to give everything over to his friend, John somehow knew after everything, Sherlock would keep him safe.

"No. But it is what it is."

"What is it, then?" John sighed as he found his arms wrap carefully around the man in front of him.

"Love, John." Sherlock felt him try to pull away, but he held on. "No. Please stop and listen. Every single thing, every act for good or ill that I've committed since I've known you, has been done in love for you. This is not to say I blame you, and you mustn't take it that way. You have to understand, the day I met you, that very first day, was the day I finally had a reason to live."

John snorted. Sherlock blew out the breath he had been holding, and pressed his lips into John's hair. "I know you believe me to be a liar and the last person on earth who knows how to love. But, it's true, if you consider the facts carefully, you know, John. You gave me a reason to live that day, you also gave me something that I would willingly die for, and honestly, it matters little if you don't return my feelings, I'm finally no longer afraid to lose you, because I lost you the day I faked my death - I would die several times over to save you. But, I need you to know something, that night, Culverton Smith asked me if I wanted to die, and I said no. Even though you hated me, wanted nothing to do with me, I still wanted to live. I realised I wanted to live so badly at that moment, after weeks of nearly offing myself, I wanted to see your face again, it didn't matter if you never spoke to me again; I fought him as long and as hard as I could, John, I knew you'd turn up in time."

"No, you didn't." John mumbled into Sherlock's ruined shirt. 

"I did. I know you, John; I know your essential goodness. No. I know your anger has eaten away at that, but you are still the most decent human being I know, and I need you to know you are loved, because I think right now, you believe you don't deserve anyone's love, even mine."

"Especially yours." He turned in Sherlock's arms so he could feel his friend's heartbeat surround him. He took a slow, stuttering breath in, then blew it out again. "I love you, have since the moment I saw you. I've been fighting it for so long, Sherlock. There have been times when I have wished I could hate you, and walk away, but it seems my heart knows what it knows, wants what it wants."

Sherlock pulled John closer and closed his eyes. "And what does your heart want, John?"

"You. Always you."


End file.
